Image description: A group of trans and queer API people, many wearing lavender shirts and keffiyehs, gathered on the steps of San Francisco City Hall.
Image description: A group of trans and queer API people, many wearing lavender shirts and keffiyehs, gathered on the steps of San Francisco City Hall.
by Meha | April 23, 2024

I’m learning to fight with all of me.

I sat at a small desk in my parent’s home in Phoenix, Arizona. Cool desert air floated in through the window, and rays of the midday sunlight peeked through the tree branches. Yuan’s and eri’s kind faces gazed back at me through Zoom. eri asked: “At our core, Lavender Phoenix is a base-building, political organization. We aim to build deep community; to develop strong leaders; and to center trans and queer API voices, all to advance progressive, radical solutions to safety and healing that serve all oppressed people. Why do you want to work at a base-building organization like ours?”

Image description: Meha at 5 years old in a traditional Bharatanatyam dance costume, smiling at the camera.
Image description: Meha at 5 years old in a traditional Bharatanatyam dance costume, smiling at the camera.

A few weeks earlier, my partner and I had arrived in Phoenix for a brief visit. My childhood in Phoenix and the caste privileged Indian immigrant community I grew up in were the first places I learned to compartmentalize myself into small, socially-acceptable pieces. My language, clothing, food, and ways of relating to people were entirely different at the predominantly white schools I attended on weekdays than in my predominantly Brown home and social life on evenings and weekends. In all of this, my queerness seemingly belonged nowhere.

As I sat at this desk, I realized how much of myself I had left behind in order to get to who and where I was now. I could not ignore the dissonance of sitting amongst old yearbooks, mix CDs, and karate belts, while interviewing for a job at an organization my younger self could not have even dreamed of. Honestly and wholeheartedly going through this application process, at this time, in this place, required me to refuse compartmentalization and choose integration.

In my short time on staff, I have deepened my capacity to honor feelings as teachers and guides. We have faced many moments of holding our grief collectively as the genocide in Palestine rages on, as the police continue to rob our communities in the Bay of our resources and lives, and as we lose trans and queer siblings and elders way too soon. This month, a group of LavNix members and staff gathered on the steps of San Francisco City Hall to deliver the demands for our Care Not Cops campaign to our elected officials. Cynthia asked us to share in an opening circle: “how are you feeling, and why are you here?” Folks shared, “I’m here because I’m angry. ”“I’m here because I’m heartbroken.” “I’ve been harassed by the cops my whole life.”“I’m tired of seeing our people killed.” This campaign, and our actions that day, stemmed from our visceral experiences of relentless violence, and from the practice of connecting through grief, rage, and despair to organize our way toward a world in which all people are cared for and no one is disposable. At Lavender Phoenix, I continue to learn that showing up in our fullness and humanity is essential to being able to build new worlds in our present day.

Image description: A group of trans and queer API people, many wearing lavender shirts and keffiyehs, gathered on the steps of San Francisco City Hall.
Image description: A group of trans and queer API people, many wearing lavender shirts and keffiyehs, gathered on the steps of San Francisco City Hall.

Now, Lavender Phoenix needs you to help us build this new world together. Through our Sustain the Flames of Change fundraising campaign, we celebrate Lavender Phoenix’s 20th Anniversary as a powerful political home for transgender, non-binary, & queer Asians & Pacific Islanders. We aim to raise $80,000 to sustain the next 20 years of our community by 8/31. Will you donate $50 today to ensure our five member-led committees can continue to actualize LavNix’s vision of safety, healing, and dignity for all people?

Here are some other amounts that mean a lot to me:

  • $100 for the 10th year of our Trans and Queer Justice Leadership Exchange trainings!
  • $70 for the 7 young trans and queer APIs joining our Summer Organizer Program!
  • $20 celebrates the 20+ peer counselors who supported our community last year!

Even though LavNix came into my life less than one year ago, I am deeply grateful I made it here. And whether you are a new friend of LavNix, a long-time comrade, or in between – I am so glad you are here, too. White supremacy, fascism, global imperialism, and capitalism aim to keep us in isolation, compartmentalizing our struggles as separate and unrelated. This is a lie. We need each other, and together we have what we need to sustain each other and to win.

In solidarity,
Meha

🔥 Donate to Support LavNix TODAY! 🔥
Image description: Three trans and queer API people in front of a brightly colored mural, collectively creating heart shapes with their arms and hands.
Image description: Three trans and queer API people in front of a brightly colored mural, collectively creating heart shapes with their arms and hands.